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Good Morning, !

Today is Sunday, December 8
Today, December 8 in 
1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress.

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Today's Bonehead Award: Woman arrested after stolen car slams into Wichita home during chase _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. --- Hector Berlioz yeah, happens to writers too. _______________________________________________ It seems that every time our piano tuner, John, comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings. I agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I don't really think about it until the the piano sounds off-key. Last time he came over, I was on the defensive. I said, "You know, if you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist, I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely fashion." Without hesitating, he replied, "Fine. From now on, when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me." ________________________________________________` Eagles over Punkins ____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heaven Westendorff, 24, Whichita, Kansas Woman arrested after stolen car slams into Wichita home during chase A woman accused of crashing a car into a home in Wichita is now behind bars, and two families are picking up the pieces. "My daughter was just screaming, 'Mommy,'" Caren Larkin said. She lives nextdoor to the house struck by a car Thursday night. "We were both scared." Larkin said she remembers every moment after the driver of a stolen car struck her neighbor's house and her own car. "I could hear screeching of tires, then hear the crunching of metal, and all the lights went out, and the whole house shook," Larkin said. Police spotted a stolen Honda Fit around 9:30 Thursday night in the 1200 block of S Bluffview. Officers tried to stop it near Fountain and Morris, but the car sped off. It crashed less than a mile away on Gilbert Street, causing significant damage to a garage and two parked cars. Police arrested the driver, 24-year-old Heaven Westendorff. She faces charges including theft, reckless driving, and evading and eluding police officers. Officers also booked a 17-year-old passenger who ran from the crash and had outstanding warrants. Two other adults were also taken into custody, and it's not yet clear if they will face charges. Larkin said she was sitting on her couch, and she thinks she would probably have been hurt if the cars were not in the driveway. "My neighbor's wife's Jeep was in her driveway," Larkin said. "They hit it so hard, it pushed it into my driveway, which pushed my car into the house." The driver suspected of causing all the damage is behind bars, but Larkin said that doesn't solve everything. "That's great, but it's not helping me right now," Larkin said. "I'm out a lot. I'm barely making it." Larkin said she's stuck with repair bills she can't afford.
DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dag Re: Name Servers Dear Webby Does it make any difference where the name servers for a domain are located? I am wondering why it takes so long before my site starts loading up in browsers. Dag Dear Dag Yes, it makes a huge difference! If your name server is for example located in China or at some rural ISP in Kentucky, when somebody tries to jump to your site from a link, then their browser first has to inquire from your domain registration about where your name servers are. Then the name servers have to be queried for the road map to your pages. Only then can the request for the pages be sent to wherever they happen to be hosted. We found that we get the fastest results by locating our name servers in the big hub that connects the transatlantic cables and the North American continent. With Millions of visitors to the postcard sites, the location of the name servers and the page servers makes a very noticeable difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
David, a big city CPA, moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later David returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week later David returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies, "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said David with a sigh, "I'm either planting them too deep or too close together!"
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The newlywed couple had been up for a while before they met up in the kitchen. Marriage was agreeing with John, and he greeted his new wife with glee and excitation that morning. "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Jill, "breakfast will be ready." "Great!" John said, "What are we having for breakfast?" Jill said, "Toast and juice." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Recommended Supplies for a Basic Emergency Kit: Be sure to have an emergency kit in your house. It should include: Water and food for 3 days, a battery-powered radio, flashlight and extra batteries, a First Aid kit, basic tools for shelter and repair. Also include any unique family needs such as prescription medications, baby needs and documents. Get More Information on Emergency Preparation Here also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________
Hula Hoop Dance
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." ___________________________________________________ Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils, and get so warped from snorting, that they tell you it's bad for you if you put sugar in your coffee! ___________________________________________________ A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat." __________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, December 8 in
1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to

1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was
free of original sin from the moment she was conceived.

1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for the
Reconstruction of the South.

1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on December
7, Britain followed on December 8.

1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese
mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure.

1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged in
a TV show for the first time.

1953 Los Angeles became the third largest city in the United

1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963.

1980 Zimbabwe's manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a
law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism.

1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later he
was shot to death by police.

1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress.

1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations'
arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles.

1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began.

1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role in
a coalition Cabinet.

1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet
national government to be dead. They forged a new alliance to
be known as the Commonwealth of Independent States. The act was
denounced by Russian President Gorbachev as unconstitutional.

1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9 in

1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American
Free Trade Agreement.

1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers, but
continued to detain about 300 others.

1994 In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the
O.J. Simpson murder trial.

1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement
that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation
would merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion.

1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand.

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search
a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic

1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public.
The file contained over 1,300 pages.

1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies
was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later.

1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash.

1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0.

1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King
Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone

1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic
and political confederation.

2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he
planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a
player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player in
U.S. pro sports.

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